Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Major Tom (Retard continued)

She set down her bags on the counter and then went into the living room to see what the singing was all about.

“Take your protein pills and put your helmet on.”

“What are you doing?”

The dog ran over to her to say hello, a large plastic jar on her head.

“You are out of your mind.” She reached to take it off.

“No, she needs to learn to take it off herself. You can't baby her just cause she's a retard.”

“She could suffocate.”

“Duh, I drilled holes in the end. This way if she ever gets stuck in one in the wild she knows how to free herself.” He gave himself a congratulatory tap on the head with his finger.

“In the wild, you won’t be there to put it on her.”

“What exactly are you accusing me of?”

“Dogs don’t put plastic jars on their heads.”

He immediately called the dog over and took it off her. “Put your money where your mouth is.”

“Name the price.”

“You’re going to feel so dumb when this is over.”

He ran over and started petting her and doing his stupid excited doggy voice “that's a good girl”. Her tail started wagging and her breath fogging up the front of the jar.

“That doesn’t count.” “No backing out now.” “She didn’t put it on you tricked her.” “Irrelevant.” “No you might as well have put it on her yourself it’s entrapment.” “Irrelevant irrelevant irrelevant.” “and you say you don’t want her to get stuck in one of those and you’re teaching her to stick her head into them that’s real smart.” “Quit changing the subject.” “Aren’t you ashamed that you get joy at the expense of others?” “Expense, you don’t think she enjoys this.” “No.” “Do you want to see who her favorite is again?” “I have work to do.” “Wait watch this.”

He grabbed the ball and began squeaking it. The dog chased after him, the jar bobbling clumsily around her neck. He threw it across the room and she chased it down and continually smashed the jar into it as she tried to pick it up “I could do this forever.”

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