Keep Away (Retard Continued)

The dog tried to snatch the ball from the recliner but he spun the chair to keep it away from her, and the arm knocked her on the head.

“You’re so mean.”

“She likes it.”

“She likes getting hit in the head with the arm of the chair?”

The dog continued to run in circles trying to catch up to the ball, occasionally changing strategy and going in the other direction.

“No silly, she likes the challenge. She just gets hit in the head sometimes because she’s a retard.”

“Are you ever gonna let her get the ball?”

“She’s gotta earn it. If it was easy she’d get bored. That’s why all those slave dogs that are trained to do things like fetch and roll over and not shit on the carpet just lay around like they wish someone would shoot em.”

"Yeah, what a terrible thing it would be to have a dog that obeyed."

He snatched the ball up from the chair and ran down the hallway with the dog in tow.

“Look how happy she is. You can keep your training. I want a dog that thinks for itself.”

We werent' a family.

We were six people in a fifth wheel who managed to get along.

Then we were four kids sharing one bedroom, trying not to get caught in the crossfire of the two adults.

We slept in hallways, living rooms, shared bedrooms, and chores, but as time passed each of us declared war on one another.

You can't go through a war and not come out scarred.

Trailer Trash

Only Child (Retard Continued)

"We should give her a little brother to play with."

"Are you saying you want to get another dog or have a kid."

"I didn't say anything about a kid, you did."

"You implied it."

"Fine if you insist you can have one, but don’t expect me to change diapers, I’m only doing the fun stuff." He took her in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Babies don’t make themselves."

"They can’t get made at all right now."

"Why not?"

"For one thing there’s something called the pill, and for another I have to work."

"It’s a free country babe, you don’t have to do anything."

"Well I want to work."

"Why?"

"Because it’s what I do."

"Why?"

"Clearly, there are already too many babies in this house."

His tone completely changed. "I want you to remember this moment because I’m going to be serious for once.............. Give me that baby!" He grabbed her and started tickling her stomach. "Where’s that baby hiding, where is he, stop hoarding your baby maker." She giggled and pulled away but he picked her up and carried her to the couch. "Keep it up and I’ll steal one of your ovaries while you’re sleeping and make that baby myself. He lifted up her shirt and started blowing raspberries on her stomach."

"Stop it. You’ve lost your mind." Unable to control her laughter.

"I've got to do it to somebody. Babies like it more, but until you give me one, I only got you. 'I got you babe'" He got serious and moved to her lips then whispered in her ear. "I'm honestly asking you. Do you want to have kids?"

"Maybe someday."

"Someday soon?"

"I'll have to think about it."

"Well, fine. We’re not gonna make a baby today, but if we’re gonna be making one someday… you know what they say..."

"What’s that?"

"Practice makes perfect."