Sunday, February 19, 2012

Losing It

You can’t say anything. You can’t express anything. There is nothing to be said.

Maybe you really lost it. Somewhere out there when you were looking. Somewhere out there where you walked because it seemed like no one else would go there. Where the grass grew into the sky, and you stared long enough to see that there was nothing separating them. Where you laid alone hidden from the world and tried to forget that everything including yourself exists, and for a second you wondered if perhaps nothing did, and you slowly melted into the earth, and the earth slowly melted into nothing.

Maybe you lost it piece by piece along the stretches of road that you aimlessly wandered. On dirt roads that you went down just to see where they went. On empty beaches where you sat silently hoping the sound of the waves would tell you a secret.

Maybe all that time you were trying to understand what it would be like to see things, not through human eyes, but as they really are, you were slowly shedding your humanity. You were losing yourself. And now there is no self left. There is a body. There are thoughts. And they are disconnected from each other and from everything else.