She ran up to the woman with the ball in her mouth, squeaking it at her.
“Can you play with her?”
“She doesn’t want to play.”
“Then why is she attacking me with the ball?”
They walked into the living room and he threw the ball across the room. She started after it, then suddenly stopped at her bowl and began wolfing down her food.
“Go get the ball.” She continued to eat, occasionally looking up at them. “See.”
“Our dog is completely insane.”
“She just doesn’t like eating alone.”
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Kids (Retard continued)
“I don’t know what I would tell them.”
She looked at him, confused.
“They’re kids. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Well, what will we raise them to be?”
She started getting upset.
“You were the one who said you wanted kids.”
“I do. But it’s completely selfish. I’d be a terrible father.”
“You are the most caring man I’ve ever known. Look how good you are with the dog. She loves you.”
“I call her retard.”
“But you don’t mean it. I’m sure we can come up with better names for our kids.”
She looked at him, confused.
“They’re kids. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Well, what will we raise them to be?”
She started getting upset.
“You were the one who said you wanted kids.”
“I do. But it’s completely selfish. I’d be a terrible father.”
“You are the most caring man I’ve ever known. Look how good you are with the dog. She loves you.”
“I call her retard.”
“But you don’t mean it. I’m sure we can come up with better names for our kids.”
Major Tom (Retard continued)
She set down her bags on the counter and then went into the living room to see what the singing was all about.
“Take your protein pills and put your helmet on.”
“What are you doing?”
The dog ran over to her to say hello, a large plastic jar on her head.
“You are out of your mind.” She reached to take it off.
“No, she needs to learn to take it off herself. You can't baby her just cause she's a retard.”
“She could suffocate.”
“Duh, I drilled holes in the end. This way if she ever gets stuck in one in the wild she knows how to free herself.” He gave himself a congratulatory tap on the head with his finger.
“In the wild, you won’t be there to put it on her.”
“What exactly are you accusing me of?”
“Dogs don’t put plastic jars on their heads.”
He immediately called the dog over and took it off her. “Put your money where your mouth is.”
“Name the price.”
“You’re going to feel so dumb when this is over.”
He ran over and started petting her and doing his stupid excited doggy voice “that's a good girl”. Her tail started wagging and her breath fogging up the front of the jar.
“That doesn’t count.” “No backing out now.” “She didn’t put it on you tricked her.” “Irrelevant.” “No you might as well have put it on her yourself it’s entrapment.” “Irrelevant irrelevant irrelevant.” “and you say you don’t want her to get stuck in one of those and you’re teaching her to stick her head into them that’s real smart.” “Quit changing the subject.” “Aren’t you ashamed that you get joy at the expense of others?” “Expense, you don’t think she enjoys this.” “No.” “Do you want to see who her favorite is again?” “I have work to do.” “Wait watch this.”
He grabbed the ball and began squeaking it. The dog chased after him, the jar bobbling clumsily around her neck. He threw it across the room and she chased it down and continually smashed the jar into it as she tried to pick it up “I could do this forever.”
“Take your protein pills and put your helmet on.”
“What are you doing?”
The dog ran over to her to say hello, a large plastic jar on her head.
“You are out of your mind.” She reached to take it off.
“No, she needs to learn to take it off herself. You can't baby her just cause she's a retard.”
“She could suffocate.”
“Duh, I drilled holes in the end. This way if she ever gets stuck in one in the wild she knows how to free herself.” He gave himself a congratulatory tap on the head with his finger.
“In the wild, you won’t be there to put it on her.”
“What exactly are you accusing me of?”
“Dogs don’t put plastic jars on their heads.”
He immediately called the dog over and took it off her. “Put your money where your mouth is.”
“Name the price.”
“You’re going to feel so dumb when this is over.”
He ran over and started petting her and doing his stupid excited doggy voice “that's a good girl”. Her tail started wagging and her breath fogging up the front of the jar.
“That doesn’t count.” “No backing out now.” “She didn’t put it on you tricked her.” “Irrelevant.” “No you might as well have put it on her yourself it’s entrapment.” “Irrelevant irrelevant irrelevant.” “and you say you don’t want her to get stuck in one of those and you’re teaching her to stick her head into them that’s real smart.” “Quit changing the subject.” “Aren’t you ashamed that you get joy at the expense of others?” “Expense, you don’t think she enjoys this.” “No.” “Do you want to see who her favorite is again?” “I have work to do.” “Wait watch this.”
He grabbed the ball and began squeaking it. The dog chased after him, the jar bobbling clumsily around her neck. He threw it across the room and she chased it down and continually smashed the jar into it as she tried to pick it up “I could do this forever.”
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Misunderstood (Retard continued)
“You’re right. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Why the hell would you want to move out into the middle of nowhere?”
“I don’t like my life here.”
“Then why did you spend the last ten years working for it?”
“Exactly.”
“I swear to God the longer I know you the less sense you make.” She grabbed her coat. “Are you ready to go?”
“It’s going to be exactly the same as last year.”
“You’re always saying how lonely you are. Now’s your chance to be around people.”
He held back from telling her that it was when he was with people that he felt the most alone, because that’s when he felt the least understood. He had tried to explain it to her several times before.
“Fine.” She slammed the door behind her.
He took off his tie and sat down. The dog came up beside him with her ears cautiously down. He looked down at her and patted her head.
“It’s okay retard, mommy still loves you, she’s just mad at me.”
“I don’t like my life here.”
“Then why did you spend the last ten years working for it?”
“Exactly.”
“I swear to God the longer I know you the less sense you make.” She grabbed her coat. “Are you ready to go?”
“It’s going to be exactly the same as last year.”
“You’re always saying how lonely you are. Now’s your chance to be around people.”
He held back from telling her that it was when he was with people that he felt the most alone, because that’s when he felt the least understood. He had tried to explain it to her several times before.
“Fine.” She slammed the door behind her.
He took off his tie and sat down. The dog came up beside him with her ears cautiously down. He looked down at her and patted her head.
“It’s okay retard, mommy still loves you, she’s just mad at me.”
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Bored (Retard continued)
People thought he stopped talking because she left, but in reality she left because he stopped talking.
He threw the ball across the yard and the dog raced it down and snatched it up without breaking stride. She ran back with it, pretending to return it to him, but changing her mind and running away with it, as she always did.
“I don’t feel like chasing you down today.”
He turned away from her and looked out over the fence at the falling sun. She came up behind him and placed the ball in his hand that hung at his side. He turned back towards her and looked at the ball, rolling it through his fingers while thinking something else.
“Don’t you ever get bored of doing the same thing?”
He threw the ball and then turned and walked across the fallen leaves, looking down and noticing how they crunched under his feet. He sat down in a chair under a tree and just stared into nothingness. The dog returned with the ball, and when he ignored her she rested her chin on his knee. He petted her pointy ears downward and did a stupid doggie voice.
“You’re such a retard aren’t you? Are you trying to cheer me up with that retarded expression on your face?”
He took the ball from her.
“I’ll bet you could chase this ball forever and never get tired of it. But I can’t throw it forever.”
He stood up.
“Fine one more time”
He sat back down and watched as she chased the ball down once again.
“I wish I was a retard.”
He threw the ball across the yard and the dog raced it down and snatched it up without breaking stride. She ran back with it, pretending to return it to him, but changing her mind and running away with it, as she always did.
“I don’t feel like chasing you down today.”
He turned away from her and looked out over the fence at the falling sun. She came up behind him and placed the ball in his hand that hung at his side. He turned back towards her and looked at the ball, rolling it through his fingers while thinking something else.
“Don’t you ever get bored of doing the same thing?”
He threw the ball and then turned and walked across the fallen leaves, looking down and noticing how they crunched under his feet. He sat down in a chair under a tree and just stared into nothingness. The dog returned with the ball, and when he ignored her she rested her chin on his knee. He petted her pointy ears downward and did a stupid doggie voice.
“You’re such a retard aren’t you? Are you trying to cheer me up with that retarded expression on your face?”
He took the ball from her.
“I’ll bet you could chase this ball forever and never get tired of it. But I can’t throw it forever.”
He stood up.
“Fine one more time”
He sat back down and watched as she chased the ball down once again.
“I wish I was a retard.”
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Smile
She stared at the clouds. They did seem different. In this city everything seemed different. For a while. But the affect soon wore off. And she realized they are the same clouds, the same sky, the same ground, the same people no matter where she went.
She noticed that she had always smiled in her pictures, and she wondered if the smile was real or if it was just a reflex. She wouldn’t say she was unhappy, and if she did she would never be able to pinpoint the cause of it. She just had a vague feeling that something was missing, and that it was to be found somewhere out there.
When she was young she used to stare at the clouds for hours. People would ask her why and at the time she couldn’t answer. But now she knew that even then she was looking for something. And she thought it might be found in the clouds. But after she had stared long enough the clouds, once magical, turned into nothing more than geometrical shapes, white fluffy vapor. So she looked elsewhere. Life, people, books, her own mind. And when she had exhausted everything that was around her, she left, thinking it would be different somewhere else. But the clouds were the same everywhere she went.
She wasn’t sure where else to look, but she believed that she would eventually find what she was looking for. It was this belief, and this belief alone, that made her smile genuine.
She noticed that she had always smiled in her pictures, and she wondered if the smile was real or if it was just a reflex. She wouldn’t say she was unhappy, and if she did she would never be able to pinpoint the cause of it. She just had a vague feeling that something was missing, and that it was to be found somewhere out there.
When she was young she used to stare at the clouds for hours. People would ask her why and at the time she couldn’t answer. But now she knew that even then she was looking for something. And she thought it might be found in the clouds. But after she had stared long enough the clouds, once magical, turned into nothing more than geometrical shapes, white fluffy vapor. So she looked elsewhere. Life, people, books, her own mind. And when she had exhausted everything that was around her, she left, thinking it would be different somewhere else. But the clouds were the same everywhere she went.
She wasn’t sure where else to look, but she believed that she would eventually find what she was looking for. It was this belief, and this belief alone, that made her smile genuine.
The Collapse
It would be the second time his world fell out from under him. The first time was when he was still a child, and he realized everything his parents raised him to believe was bullshit. He vowed then never again to be so gullible, never to look for anything but the truth, never to prematurely integrate anything into his belief system, never to be wrong.
He questioned everything. So it was only a matter of time before he got around to questioning whether or not he should be questioning everything, whether or not there wasn’t a better way to live life than to always be searching, whether or not he was missing out on what life was really about. If he died today, what good would his search have been?
His first reaction was to leave a record. He began furiously writing his every thought. The pages added up. The days went by. Months, without seeing anyone or doing anything. He looked at the giant mess of words that had accumulated, and he felt no closer to accomplishing anything. So when he ran into an old friend from high school who invited him to a party, he thought that a return to civilization might give him some perspective.
The party was full of people who the unpolitically correct would call white trash, and at first he thought he had made a huge mistake. But he soon found that no one treated him like the outsider he was. They all laughed and smiled, even when the conversation took an unexpected turn and he found himself refuting the claim that the lesser of two evils in the current political campaigns was not a Muslim. Even when he explained to them why he refuses to pledge allegiance to the flag, they offered him another drink, and despite all their differences they bonded over their commonalities, they both distrusted the government and enjoyed far fetched speculation that most would call conspiracy theories. And by the end of the night he realized that with all his thinking, all the time he had spent in his life trying to discern the truth, he was not much smarter than any of these people. His world had been slowly slipping, and now it suddenly collapsed.
“I’ve been to harsh a judge of people. And I’ve driven myself mad thinking that they would judge me in the same manner. My life up until now has been a waste.”
He questioned everything. So it was only a matter of time before he got around to questioning whether or not he should be questioning everything, whether or not there wasn’t a better way to live life than to always be searching, whether or not he was missing out on what life was really about. If he died today, what good would his search have been?
His first reaction was to leave a record. He began furiously writing his every thought. The pages added up. The days went by. Months, without seeing anyone or doing anything. He looked at the giant mess of words that had accumulated, and he felt no closer to accomplishing anything. So when he ran into an old friend from high school who invited him to a party, he thought that a return to civilization might give him some perspective.
The party was full of people who the unpolitically correct would call white trash, and at first he thought he had made a huge mistake. But he soon found that no one treated him like the outsider he was. They all laughed and smiled, even when the conversation took an unexpected turn and he found himself refuting the claim that the lesser of two evils in the current political campaigns was not a Muslim. Even when he explained to them why he refuses to pledge allegiance to the flag, they offered him another drink, and despite all their differences they bonded over their commonalities, they both distrusted the government and enjoyed far fetched speculation that most would call conspiracy theories. And by the end of the night he realized that with all his thinking, all the time he had spent in his life trying to discern the truth, he was not much smarter than any of these people. His world had been slowly slipping, and now it suddenly collapsed.
“I’ve been to harsh a judge of people. And I’ve driven myself mad thinking that they would judge me in the same manner. My life up until now has been a waste.”
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Dentist
It started as just a passing thought. Everyone knows what teeth are for, she thought, but do they realize what it means to have them.
It began as a subtle observation “We’re just like animals”, but soon it became “My God, we’re just animals” and eventually “We’re a bunch of disgusting animals.”
“I didn’t sign up to be a veterinarian. I can’t stand looking at these animals all day long. The bleeding, the decay, the stench. How disgusting that we have these hardened mineral deposits in our mouth, used to break down other organisms, suck out the nutrients, and pass the rest out as… Oh, God it’s sickening.”
She found herself looking in the mirror differently, as if she wasn’t human but instead an alien observing a new species for the first time. How strange it suddenly seemed that there was a nose in the middle of her face, and a slimy cavity below it. She had always thought of eyes as beautiful, the windows to the soul, but somehow only now did she even realize that eyeballs were in fact balls, glassy orbs floating in mucous, packed in meat, protected by calcium. When she looked at people she could no longer see their eyes without seeing the entire sphere that the skin is supposed to hide.
She soon found herself carefully examining every movement of every one of her body parts. At first she was able to leave it at the office. Next thing she knew she was on the sidewalk frightened at this herd of animals moving towards her, around her, engulfing her. “They’re everywhere, big stupid unaware animals. How did this happen? I didn’t want to see any of this. Is this is the price we pay to know? To see the world as it truly is?”
It began as a subtle observation “We’re just like animals”, but soon it became “My God, we’re just animals” and eventually “We’re a bunch of disgusting animals.”
“I didn’t sign up to be a veterinarian. I can’t stand looking at these animals all day long. The bleeding, the decay, the stench. How disgusting that we have these hardened mineral deposits in our mouth, used to break down other organisms, suck out the nutrients, and pass the rest out as… Oh, God it’s sickening.”
She found herself looking in the mirror differently, as if she wasn’t human but instead an alien observing a new species for the first time. How strange it suddenly seemed that there was a nose in the middle of her face, and a slimy cavity below it. She had always thought of eyes as beautiful, the windows to the soul, but somehow only now did she even realize that eyeballs were in fact balls, glassy orbs floating in mucous, packed in meat, protected by calcium. When she looked at people she could no longer see their eyes without seeing the entire sphere that the skin is supposed to hide.
She soon found herself carefully examining every movement of every one of her body parts. At first she was able to leave it at the office. Next thing she knew she was on the sidewalk frightened at this herd of animals moving towards her, around her, engulfing her. “They’re everywhere, big stupid unaware animals. How did this happen? I didn’t want to see any of this. Is this is the price we pay to know? To see the world as it truly is?”
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